I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
