Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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