I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
