I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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