East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
