i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I have post one night stand depression
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