I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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