I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
