Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
