Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
