Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
