Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
