thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
