coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
