alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
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