sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
