I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
