oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
