He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
