I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
