I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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