rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
