now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
