Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
