god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
