Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
