Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i think im in europe. pls send help
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
