btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
