It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
