I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
