I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
