i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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