dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
