The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
