Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
