I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
