Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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