I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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