I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
