Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
