Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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