I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
