If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
