i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
