Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
