that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
