There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
