none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
