How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
