After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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