I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
