Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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