addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
