Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my being single is dangerous.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
